ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
