Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
