i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
