new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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