What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
