He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i've created a new STD.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
