Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
