Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
