A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
