Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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