oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
