why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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