So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize