Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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