This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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