i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize