I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize