Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
