Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
