he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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