look no pants
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
