Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
