There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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