Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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