if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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