"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
