her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She's JV to your varsity
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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