I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
