You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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