Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
