thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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