I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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