So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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