woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
