the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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