mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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