All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found the puke drawer
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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