Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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