Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
