Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
