Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize