Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
