Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
