it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
