You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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