Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
