im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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