M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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