Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
