How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize