party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
