dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
