You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
