end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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