like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize