If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
