Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
