Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
