So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
