I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
