She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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