My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
