took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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