just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
pray to the hookup gods
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
