There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
