my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drunk is a universal language darling
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
